Messenger bag feature preferences.

In descending order:

  • No velcro closure. It's not classy. Also, should I need to sneak around like a ninja on a museum heist to steal the world's largest diamond, velcro will not do and my fellow ninja-thieves will give me dirty looks in the getaway van. I reject entire brands of bags because of the No Velcro rule.
  • Soft strap. I prefer that seatbelt material. It's easier on my delicate Celestial skin when I'm wearing tank tops. A more pliable strap makes that diagonal boob-crossing a bit more comfortable. (Boob crossing is a funny thought. Imagine the traffic sign.)
  • Back pocket. Useful for stuffing papers in. One popular bag manufacturer goes one step further and puts the organizer in the back pocket rather than under the flap, which I think is BRILLIANT. I never liked the move of sneaking your hand under your flap to get your Fast Pass. It's an inelegant movement, like you're trying to cop a feel off your bag.

Also, I understand that an exterior water bottle pocket isn't aesthetically pleasing in all situations, but could all bag manufacturers everywhere start creating an interior pocket or elastic strap for water bottles? I hate it when my bottle flops over and I have to dig dig dig it out for sweet refreshment.

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