Better living without chemistry.

I don't think I've ever mentioned this, but I used to get severe migraines when I was a teenager. They felt like someone jabbed a 6-inch knife into my eye and twisted. On top of the throbbing pain, there was a nauseating, silver sparkle in that same eye that distorted my vision, so I didn't see people's faces unless I focused on them.

No wait, there's more: having a persistant object in your vision is incredibly disorienting. I would move my eyes back and forth and close them, but the glittering fissure would remain unchanged and in the same coordinates of my visual plane. This, by far, was worse than the pain: simply moving my eyeballs was making me more miserable second after second.

Also, disorientation is a signal to the brain that you've been poisoned, and so I was nauseous the whole time. I threw up until there was nothing left and then I dry-heaved. This sounds pretty awful, but throwing up provided some physical relief because my whole body, inside and out, was contracting hard and it distracted me monentarily from the pain in my head and my swimming vision. It gave me something else to concentrate on.

And, on top of that, half my body went numb. It is no party you want to be invited to, let me tell you.

The only saving grace to these horrible episodes is that I had a sure-fire method of relief: I had to fall asleep. (Oh, is that all!) This was usually accomplished with some Tylenol PM and monumental patience as I waited for the drugs to kick in. Then, I would wake up and merely have a tension headache for the rest of the week, and I was right as rain again.

I think popular opinion is that migraines are a genetic disease based in biology (rather than psychiatric, being too stressed out and all.) It's treated as a chronic condition, like asthma or herpes, with drugs to relieve you during an attack. I'm under the impression that I'm a medical oddity because I haven't had one since my junior year in high school, which was about ten years ago.

I'd like to think that deciding to mellow out and become more mindful of my body had an effect, but it could've been hormones, too. I started getting them in junior high and they lasted through high school, the prime pubescent years. And, I tended to get them during my period.

I'm not sure if I had a point, just a random memory and a speculation about the healing power of mindfulness. I'm also glad I don't have to depend on a perscription to get through life. And a warning to be very, very nice to people who are experiencing a migraine.